00:00 - 00:03 | If we build it right, people will come |
00:04 - 00:05 | riders from Onetangi |
00:05 - 00:07 | tree huggers from Rocky Bay |
00:08 - 00:12 | pregnant mothers from Oneroa |
00:12 - 00:15 | and LGBT wedding parties from Australia |
00:17 - 00:19 | The Esplanade will be my legacy to Waiheke |
00:19 - 00:21 | never again will it see driving |
00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer |
00:27 - 00:28 | Storer |
00:31 - 00:33 | Storer has approved the esplanade as a driving range |
00:34 - 00:36 | with 16 floodlit bays and one of those floating greens |
00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who has played golf leave now. You too, Kristina, I know you'd love to play a round |
01:13 - 01:15 | What do you mean, a driving range? |
01:15 - 01:17 | This bat faced harridan insists on humiliating me |
01:18 - 01:23 | First the Wharetana bay thing, then the Golf Club thing, the Marina thing |
01:25 - 01:28 | Hopeless, lost causes each and every one |
01:29 - 01:31 | But I still tried to force them on people |
01:31 - 01:34 | I've never been involved in a cause with 50% support before |
01:34 - 01:37 | But this was a winner. Even the TAB refused |
01:37 - 01:40 | to take the bet I sent Gillespie down with |
01:40 - 01:42 | But, my Fuhrer, the range will be free to the public |
01:42 - 01:46 | The people of Waihehe don't want golf, they want sustainability |
01:46 - 01:48 | My fuhrer, golf has growing global appeal as a result of Tiger Woods |
01:48 - 01:52 | Since when has shagging everything that moved made people want to play golf? |
01:53 - 01:54 | Every Friday |
01:56 - 01:57 | Jo, Faye, Don and Jim |
01:57 - 02:00 | play a 4 ball |
02:00 - 02:03 | and I have NEVER been invited |
02:04 - 02:08 | Me, who once went round in 98 |
02:08 - 02:13 | not counting that lost ball on the 4th. |
02:14 - 02:16 | I swear it went down a rabbit hole. |
02:17 - 02:21 | Now, if I want to walk, I will be forced to listen to |
02:27 - 02:29 | golf balls dropping into the Ocean |
02:30 - 02:34 | because as everyone knows, The Esplanade |
02:34 - 02:36 | is the only place to exercise |
02:41 - 02:42 | on Waiheke, unless you |
02:43 - 02:47 | fancy a ride across |
02:48 - 02:53 | the greens on the golf course |
02:54 - 02:56 | Faye Storer and Jo Holmes |
02:56 - 02:59 | have fucked me again |
03:00 - 03:02 | bunkered me, you might say |
03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry Merran, at least you'll be able to get your handicap down now |
03:14 - 03:16 | Everyone knows floating greens are a con |
03:19 - 03:23 | 3 balls for $20, shonky clubs and the holes are too small |
03:25 - 03:26 | no chance of winning |
03:31 - 03:33 | the $10000 prize for a hole in one |
03:40 - 03:46 | I had a go once, you know, down at Taupo. I thought I could win |
03:46 - 03:49 | A shank, a wild hook, but shot 3 was a beauty, heading right for the hole |
03:53 - 03:56 | until a fucking seagull deflected it. |