| 00:00 - 00:03 | They will come from all around the island |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | riders from Onetangi |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | tree huggers from Rocky Bay |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | mothers and children from Oneroa |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | and LGBT wedding parties from Australia |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | The Esplanade will be my legacy to Waiheke |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | never again will it see driving |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Storer |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Storer has decreed the esplanade will be a driving range |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | with 16 floodlit bays and one of those floating greens |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who has played golf leave now. You too, Kristina, I know you want to play a round |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What do you mean, a driving range? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | This bat faced harridan insists on humiliating me |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | The Wharetana bay thing, The Golf Club thing, the Marina thing |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Hopeless, lost causes each and every one |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | But I still tried to force them on people |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I've never been involved in a cause with 50% support before |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | But this was a winner. Even the TAB refused |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | to take the bet I sent Gillespie down with |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But, my Fuhrer, the range will be free to the public |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | The people of Waihehe don't want golf, they want sustainability |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My fuhrer, golf has growing global appeal as a result of Tiger Woods |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Since when has shagging everything that moved made people want to play golf? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Every Friday |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Jo, Faye, Don and Jim |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | play a 4 ball |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | and I have NEVER been invited |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Me, a former scratch player before I saw the light |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | So now I know. It's not my policies, is it. it's me. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Now I every time I want to go for a walk |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I will have to listen to the sound of chemical pollution |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | golf balls dropping into the Ocean |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | because as everyone knows, The Esplanade |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | is the only |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | place to walk on Waiheke |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | if you're not riding across |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | the greens on the golf course |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Faye Storer and Jo Holmes |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | have neutered me again |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | bunkered me, you might say |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry Merran, at least you'll be able to get your handicap down now |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Everyone knows floating greens are a con |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | 3 balls for $20, shonky clubs and the holes are too small |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | no chance of winning |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | the $10000 prize for a hole in one |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I had a go once, you know, down at Taupo. I thought I could win |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | A shank, a wild hook, but shot 3 was a beauty, heading right for the hole |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | until a fucking seagull deflected it. |
