| 00:00 - 00:07 | I'd like to start by welcoming you all to Keira's birthday dinner |
| 00:07 - 00:10 | It's going to be a hoot and a half this time |
| 00:11 - 00:14 | I hope everyone is enjoying themselves |
| 00:16 - 00:18 | I'm really enjoying this food |
| 00:20 - 00:23 | I prepared it in the slow cooker |
| 00:23 - 00:28 | Left it in there for a whole week i did |
| 00:28 - 00:31 | still not long enough i feel |
| 00:31 - 00:36 | Sir, are we going to rate Keira's evening like they do on Come Dine With Me? |
| 00:36 - 00:41 | Yes but i don't want you lot getting jealous and giving her a low score |
| 00:41 - 00:43 | just so you win the thousand pounds at the end of the week |
| 00:45 - 00:51 | I mean it's the taking part that counts. Pittin oan a nice spread an that |
| 00:52 - 00:54 | Just give her a 6 or something |
| 00:55 - 00:57 | Good, more birthday fun |
| 00:58 - 01:03 | This is keira's card, i hope you all remembered to sign it |
| 01:03 - 01:07 | Happy Birthday, you're not getting older you're just a little closer to death |
| 01:07 - 01:08 | funny |
| 01:14 - 01:16 | I think i might put |
| 01:18 - 01:22 | Times are tough, moneys hard, here's your friggin' birthday card |
| 01:22 - 01:25 | Can't think of anything else |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | not a thing |
| 01:33 - 01:35 | no |
| 01:35 - 01:38 | What the fuck can i write in her card |
| 01:38 - 01:41 | This is going to be a crap birthday |
| 01:41 - 01:45 | Shes going to be raging when she see's this |
| 01:50 - 01:53 | It was going so well |
| 01:54 - 01:58 | But nooo |
| 01:58 - 02:00 | No No No No No |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Unbelievable |
| 02:04 - 02:06 | Paige is going to love this |
| 02:07 - 02:11 | I didn't even get her a present |
| 02:11 - 02:15 | Now the sodding birthday card is screwed up |
| 02:19 - 02:24 | Ok, stand up if you also forgot to get her a present |
| 02:25 - 02:27 | You've got to be fucking kidding me |
| 02:27 - 02:30 | But there was only snow globes in the post office |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | and scotty dug calendars nae doubt |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | you're right, full of shite |
| 02:36 - 02:39 | Happy birthday i think not! |
