| 00:00 - 00:03 | We are not certain where he acquired the data. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | He once visited a Fräulein Susinum. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | 35 kilometers south in Stounsfur. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | She hasn't stopped smiling since. He calls it... |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | ...the Squirt Watch. But it doesn't tell time. |
| 00:17 - 00:20 | You say he has data... The bitch can't stop smiling... |
| 00:20 - 00:23 | But, does the fucking thing work? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Führer... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Steiner.... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Steiner's wife had 30 orgasms in two hours. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | And Himmler won't leave his bedroom. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Every man who has used, uses, or wants to use this asshole's watch, leave now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I trusted you with my move. |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I gave you the exact speed and g-force. |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | And you told me. You told me we were safe. That it wouldn't get out of hand. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | The fucking American's will squirt. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | The fucking Brits will squirt. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Next you'll be telling me even the Russians will squirt. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I told you this will change people's lives. How can our plans work... |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | if the whole world is enjoying this pleasure. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Führer the Irish and Italians were squirting before you... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | You shit. You think I didn't visit both those countries on spring break? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Führer, I just meant to say... |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | You wouldn't know the "I love you" move if I shoved it up your ass. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | ...but this guy Aaron! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | He somehow happens upon it |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | while visiting a milk maid who |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | hasn't showered since the Wiemar Repulic? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | You expect me to believe that it just came upon him without any suggestion or inspiration? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | That he know to put two fingers in and leave two out for support? |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | That he knew to palpitate, not thrust, by some sort of miraculous intuition? |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | While I don't believe it. I won't believe it. I know you just couldn't keep your fingers to yourselves. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | When I was in the 8th grade |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I met the girl with whom I thought... |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | ...I'd spend the rest of my life. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | At 27 I stumbled upon the secret. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | But I didn't know it then. I didn't know what I had discovered. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Not until I was 32. 32 fucking years old! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | It was then that wonder twins activated. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | And I mastered the technique. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Perfecting it on dozens of happy partners. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry. I can get you a watch. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Now, any jerk with $169.00 and... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | ...an Amazon account... |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | ...and two working fingers... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | ...will now be an amazing lover. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Tonight I will go to bed. The same bed I slept in last night. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Except tonight, it won't be my bed. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | It will be my coffin. |
