00:00 - 00:03 | Fuhrer, your wedding chapel is located here |
00:04 - 00:05 | From there it is a two-block |
00:05 - 00:07 | walk back to the hotel here. |
00:08 - 00:12 | You should be back to the room |
00:12 - 00:15 | within 15 minutes of saying, "I do!" |
00:17 - 00:19 | Excellent, because my bride |
00:19 - 00:21 | will be ready to get it on ASAP. |
00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer, |
00:27 - 00:28 | Your bride ... |
00:31 - 00:33 | Your bride wants to play Trivial Pursuit the night of the wedding |
00:34 - 00:36 | She has no interest in getting jiggy with it. |
00:53 - 00:58 | Every one of you who is a virgin, leave now. |
01:13 - 01:15 | HOW FUCKING LONG I HAVE WAITED!!! |
01:15 - 01:17 | I SPENT $1,200 ON ADULT TOYS |
01:18 - 01:23 | Just for this one magical night |
01:25 - 01:28 | And there is no return policy on lubricant!! |
01:29 - 01:31 | I am a man with needs!!! |
01:31 - 01:34 | A wedding night is not meant for Monopoly |
01:34 - 01:37 | I'm supposed to be shooting off my rockets |
01:37 - 01:40 | and dropping my bombs in her body in a series of explosions! |
01:40 - 01:42 | My Fuhrer, if this is what she wants, you must do it. |
01:42 - 01:46 | Is that so, coffee boy? You haven't gotten laid since the First World War! |
01:46 - 01:48 | My Fuhrer, board games can be just as fun as sex. |
01:48 - 01:52 | Sure, if you're a fucking Buddhist monk! |
01:53 - 01:54 | I want to get jiggy with it! |
01:56 - 01:57 | She thinks she can make me play Clue? |
01:57 - 02:00 | I'll feel more of the Miss Scarlet cards than my own wife! |
02:00 - 02:03 | I haven't been this pissed since I got grades in art school! |
02:04 - 02:08 | The only chutes and ladders I want to see |
02:08 - 02:13 | is my ladder in her chute!!! |
02:14 - 02:16 | We paid $1,300 for a room with a hot tub!!! |
02:17 - 02:21 | I don't want to play Candy Land unless it's me eating candy off her land! |
02:27 - 02:29 | A man only gets one wedding night. |
02:30 - 02:34 | Your bodies are supposed to become one! |
02:34 - 02:36 | That's the whole fucking idea!!! |
02:41 - 02:42 | Now, she probably wants to invite the groomsmen. |
02:43 - 02:47 | I had more fun at my bachelor party at the Boob-engarten! |
02:48 - 02:53 | At least those ladies played me in a game of strip poker! |
02:54 - 02:56 | I thought I would be twisted in the sheets with my wife |
02:56 - 02:59 | But, no, instead of twisting her, I'll be playing Twister! |
03:00 - 03:02 | A fucking board game made for ages 6 and up!!!! |
03:04 - 03:07 | It's OK, Anna, he'll get some on the honeymoon. |
03:14 - 03:16 | It's probably because of that Cialis I bought. |
03:19 - 03:23 | I just knew that was a scam. |
03:25 - 03:26 | She's afraid |
03:31 - 03:33 | Afraid I wouldn't rise to the occasion. |
03:40 - 03:46 | No need to worry about a four-hour erection, Cialis. |
03:46 - 03:49 | I won't be getting even one minute. |
03:53 - 03:56 | At least the sheets will stay clean. |