| 00:00 - 00:03 | Regarding your attempt to iron man the Baja 500 |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | This is the route |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | pit 1 pit 2 pit 3 and finish here |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | However, the problem is we cant get you in to pre-run |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | so you are going to have to race it cold |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | No Problem I got this |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | How many chase trucks do I have? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | We couldnt get any |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Larry Janesky took them all |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Every single one of them |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Will all the contractor nation employees please leave the room |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the fuck?? What the fucking fuck?? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | What kind of moron planned this shitshow?? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I invaded Europe in two weeks and you fags cant get two chase trucks? Assholes |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Larry gets all the good shit and I get a toyota pickup |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Maybe I should just walk the 500?? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | You get me some new shiny mercedes sprinter vans |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | with working toilets and a comfy bed in the back |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | and hot water and a video game system and a TV |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | We found a 2 wheel drive pickup |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | a fucking pickup wont even make it to the first pit you imbicile |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | we found some mexican donkeys and we think |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Take your donkey and ram his donkey dick up your ass |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | You fucking imbicile |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | you remind me of Cooper Webb |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | I bet even Alfredo Gomez can get a chase truck |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | and he never even raced a desert race |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Its all Roger Decoster's fault. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | You break into KTM headquarters and get me a factory rig |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | With a red bull logo and an autograph signing area |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Chad Reed had his own fucking Team 22 semi and you cant find two chase trucks? |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Is that too much to ask for? |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Two fucking chase trucks and pit support from Baja Pits |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | And carne asada tacos with cilantro |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Instead you send donkeys |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Maybe by the time I finish all 500 miles they will be at the first pit |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Everyone gets a fucking chase truck in baja. Its like a participation medal in sports. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | You just get one for showing up |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Next thing you are going to tell is me is I have to ride a KX60 |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | without a damn headlight or new tires |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | dont worry you can pin a kx60 through the whoops |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Everyone gets the Johnny Campbell bikes |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I get stuck with the fucking Colton Udall bikes. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Its never ready on time |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | You go to his garage |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | and he is still polishing the fucking bolts even though the race is halfway over |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | and the bike didnt make it to the start on time |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Ill take the KX60 I guess |
