00:00 - 00:03 | So if we defend resolutely, and attack effectively |
00:04 - 00:05 | we may just have a chance |
00:05 - 00:07 | Wing play here and here creates space |
00:08 - 00:12 | and gives us the best chance of attacking chances which could be converted |
00:12 - 00:15 | Our analysis suggests it's the best way of surviving Pro Clubs Division 5 |
00:17 - 00:19 | With a pacey lethal striker |
00:19 - 00:21 | I'm confident that we will score many goals and survive |
00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer |
00:27 - 00:28 | Smithers |
00:31 - 00:33 | Smithers is 6ft5 and can't finish |
00:34 - 00:36 | He's spent all his growth points on long passing |
00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who has received a panic pass from Mantis Toboggan please leave the room |
01:13 - 01:15 | I ordered him to be 5ft4! |
01:15 - 01:17 | Even my dead grandma knows you have to be fast in this game! |
01:18 - 01:23 | You watch him blame everyone else for the lack of goals! |
01:25 - 01:28 | 6ft5 is nearly at Peter Crouch levels for God's sake |
01:29 - 01:31 | He couldn't even beat Titus Bramble for pace! |
01:31 - 01:34 | He's as likely to score on the pitch as he would be in the SS |
01:34 - 01:37 | You all allowed this to happen and we're left with a striker who can't score |
01:37 - 01:40 | We can't just rely on Heskey and Szyslak to deliver every game |
01:40 - 01:42 | My Fuhrer, Smithers is adept at winning knockdowns |
01:42 - 01:46 | Who gives a shit about winning fucking knockdowns! Is this 2011 Stoke?! |
01:46 - 01:48 | My Fuhrer, Toboggan is also failing to score |
01:48 - 01:52 | Toboggan is as useless as this pencil! |
01:53 - 01:54 | He can't run properly! |
01:56 - 01:57 | Sure, he's got a PS5 |
01:57 - 02:00 | But a PS5 doesn't magically score you goals |
02:00 - 02:03 | that takes composure, pace, the ability to strike a ball properly |
02:04 - 02:08 | He waltzes in every game and has the audacity to scream abuse at everyone else |
02:08 - 02:13 | when he doesn't even know how to stop a fucking echo in his god damn headset |
02:14 - 02:16 | I curse him and his striking ability |
02:17 - 02:21 | I wish I'd signed his brother who would have been twice as good, or even Stalin |
02:27 - 02:29 | His first touch must be atrocious |
02:30 - 02:34 | I can feel how bad he is for the club, in my heart! Right here! |
02:34 - 02:36 | European competition is out of the question |
02:41 - 02:42 | I know I'm right |
02:43 - 02:47 | I ordered him to be 5ft4 for a good reason and he disobeyed my direct order |
02:48 - 02:53 | Even Szyslak is giving the ball away now, and don't get me started on Heskey's recent performances |
02:54 - 02:56 | And then there's Toboggan |
02:56 - 02:59 | Does he think we score a goal every time he passes the ball backwards? |
03:00 - 03:02 | His ego just seems to get bigger and bloat |
03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, Toboggan isn't good enough to have an ego bloat |
03:14 - 03:16 | The club has no future with this striker |
03:19 - 03:23 | I know you all feel this too in your stomachs |
03:25 - 03:26 | Search your feelings |
03:31 - 03:33 | The dream is over |
03:40 - 03:46 | Instruct the club to begin preparing a Division 6 kit immediately |
03:46 - 03:49 | And for the love of God no diamonds this time |
03:53 - 03:56 | A 6ft5 striker |