| 00:00 - 00:03 | The wedding was most likely where you contracted the coronavirus. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Whitney had it, and she was standing by Debbie here, by Rubys porch. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Debbie then talked to you right around here, near the garage, |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | which is when she infected you with it. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Youre showing only minor symptoms, though, so your health is not at risk. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Good thing Marci is just fine, |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | so she can handle the kids. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Ummm ... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Marci
|
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Marci also has COVID and is completely incapacitated by it. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | You must handle all four kids yourself, as well as work, the next 2 weeks. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone leave except these four: Lincoln, Jim, Dad, and Marcus. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Are you f**king kidding me! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Marci cant be sick! How the he*l am I supposed |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | to handle all four kids myself and stay sane? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | I suppose I will have to cook and clean for everyone too? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I can barely even boil water! How am I supposed to do all that! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | When I married and had the kids, I never thought I might have to be responsible for them at some point! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Why didnt someone warn me about all this before I decided to get married? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Now I have all four of those psycho kids all day long! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sometimes your kids can be pleasant. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | This is just a freaking nightmare! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Surely they will sleep eventually. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | The doctors failed to stop this disease |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | And now its forcing me to be a responsible father! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | They call themselves doctors. Years at medical school |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | just to hand out breathing masks and quarantine people. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | For years, the kids |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | have driven me nuts. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | But at least then I had Marci |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | to deal with them. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Now I wont even have time to watch any of the movies people have recommended to me, not even The Death of Stalin! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I never have time to do anything at the best of times, |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | and now I have to do all this myself?! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Motherfu*ker! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I will never meet my work hours again! |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | All this because of the stupid |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | China virus! China will pay for this! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Theyll hate all the terrible |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | China jokes Ill make later! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | They will drown in my brand of inappropriate humor! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | See, Christi, this is why I suggested a Vegas wedding. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Theres no way I can do this. These 2 weeks will kill me. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Ill just feed us all McDonalds every day. You think youre getting fat, Jim? |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Wait till you see us in 2 weeks. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Hopefully I wont strangle myself with one of my ties. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | But, if you think Im keeping the kids out of school this Fall, |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | you are seriously mistaken. That would be the last blow to my sanity. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Well, at least Unsolved Mysteries is back. |
