| 00:00 - 00:03 | As you can see, Mr. President... |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Black Lives Matter protesters |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | are approaching the White House |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | from pretty much all sides |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | even after you tear gassed one side to take a stupid picture. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | With an upside down bible |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | in my shaky stubby hand. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | You're the president... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | you can't be that stupid... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | just for a photo op... |
| 00:34 - 00:37 | and then hide down here under the White House, like a coward. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone leave except Lindsay Graham, Mitch McConnell, Bill Barr and Mike Pence. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | How can this be happening? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I've had this all planned out in crayon! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I've been Tweeting all day, all night for days with this crappy Wi-Fi hotspot! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Who should I fire today? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | What about that press secretary? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I'll blame her and no one can STOP ME! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | All I wanted was to hear my name on the ballot |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | I didn't want this stupid job!!! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But Donald, those morons voted for you! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | And now, every day, I have to blame someone for MY FAILURES |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | We've blamed everyone you've asked us to - |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | But who is left for me to blame now??? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I blamed the Mexicans... |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I blamed Hillary... |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | I blamed Obama... |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I even blamed the ones I hired then fired! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | All I do is Tweet garbage and nonsense all day long |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | And those idiots I call my base still want me to keep going!!! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | There's only so many stupid things I can say... |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | And now Fox News is hiding out from all of this crap I'm wallowing in! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Don't get me started about Melania... |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | that useless immigrant robot of a woman... |
| 02:34 - 02:37 | it's so HARD TO UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE SAYS?!? |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | What makes it worse... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | after 3 years of all of this bullshit and confusion... |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I still don't get tired of the self-serving and useless rallies... |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And I love it when they say my name... |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I'm so needy, like a baby who has wet himself... |
| 03:00 - 03:03 | none of you understand what it's like to have millions kiss your ass! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry... 7-11 is always hiring, honey... |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | All I wanted was for Daddy to love me... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | he told me I was worthless every day... |
| 03:25 - 03:27 | now look at me. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I went bankrupt 6 times... |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | How do you bankrupt a casino? I wake up every morning to know I'm a complete failure... |
| 03:46 - 03:50 | and yet somehow, everytime I screw up, and keep blaming others... |
| 03:52 - 03:56 | I know I've destroyed this country... and the idiots still love me. Shit... |
