| 00:00 - 00:03 | The Secret Service has established a perimeter around the White House |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | and despite social media posts |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | calling for more rioters to attack, |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | and almost 50 agents injured defending you from the mob, |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | we are currently safe and have finished moving you to this underground bunker. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Good, have chef Steiner serve lunch |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | I'll have a BLT with fries and a coke. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr President... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Chef Steiner... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Chef Steiner reports the kitchen is a mess. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | And completely unstocked with any supplies. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everone who isn't a certified birther, get the fuck out. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the fuck do you mean, no coke! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | No sandwiches! No fries? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | What are we supposed to do for lunch! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Order pizza? Do you think Uber Eats or Post Mates |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | will delliver through the fucking mob? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I don't drink, I dont smoke |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | All I ask is my fast food |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | my soda, my treats! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mr. President this was an emergency, how... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I'm trying to drain the fucking swamp here, while a mob surrounds us! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mr. President, it's Obama's fault, he should have restocked |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Fuck Obama, if he did, it would have been Diet Pepsi and salad! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | You had three and a half years |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | to get ready for this day... |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Three and a half years, to stock the fridge with coke |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | to fill the pantry with pop tarts. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Do you know how lucky you are Melania isn't here? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Do you know how fucked we'd be if she came here with Barron, |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And we didn't have any godamn food to serve? |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Now my blood sugar is getting low, and I'll have to face the fucking press corp |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | on an empty stomache. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Just half a granola bar |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | that I saved in my pocket, myself. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Fuck all of you |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | We're in the middle of an election, a fucking pandemic, a riot... |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | and you assholes can't get lunch. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | I left Mar a Lago for this |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | do you think Trump Tower would run out of food like this? |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | At least there I could get a taco! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | President Biden won't be so bad, you won't be alone with him |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I should just let the rioters in... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Tell them how much money you idiots are getting paid. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | To fuck everything up.. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Let them have you. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Now I have to go meet with Nancy Pelosi. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And my stomache is already churning... |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | God help me. |
