00:00 - 00:03 | Kushner's still not here, but let's get started. |
00:04 - 00:05 | All of our allies are gone. |
00:05 - 00:07 | Merkel says she will not meet with you. |
00:08 - 00:12 | Trudeau won't return our calls and even Boris has grown cold |
00:12 - 00:15 | And now there are protests all over Europe against us. |
00:17 - 00:19 | I'm not really worried. |
00:19 - 00:21 | The generals are still with us. |
00:24 - 00:26 | My leader... |
00:27 - 00:28 | Meadows? |
00:31 - 00:33 | The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs has repudiated you. |
00:34 - 00:36 | Even Secretary Esper says he's embarrased. |
00:53 - 00:58 | Everybody out except you guys up front.Bring me some crêpes. And butter. |
01:13 - 01:15 | I want them fired. Fired you do hear? |
01:15 - 01:17 | And make sure Mattis is gone by the evening gun! |
01:18 - 01:23 | And Kelly, and McMaster, and that little twit Spicer. He can't dance for shit! |
01:25 - 01:28 | (Ivanka sniffles) |
01:29 - 01:31 | And that woman with the lantern jaw! |
01:31 - 01:34 | I knew better than to trust someone from Arkansas! |
01:34 - 01:37 | Get rid of Espy, and that little bugger with the smirk on his face |
01:37 - 01:40 | They've all betrayed me. Only Miss Lindsey is loyal to me now. |
01:40 - 01:42 | That's not fair, we've all ruined our careers for you. |
01:42 - 01:46 | You didn't have a career until I raised you up from the gutter. |
01:46 - 01:48 | My leader, I was Deputy Assistant Undersecretary-- |
01:48 - 01:52 | Under that simpering George W. Bush. I hate the Bushes. |
01:53 - 01:54 | You made me break my pencil! |
01:56 - 01:57 | And I just learned how to use it! |
01:57 - 02:00 | I've put up with this for 3 consecutive years. |
02:00 - 02:03 | Do you know how many consecutive is? |
02:04 - 02:08 | It means one after a motherf****** other, you bastard! |
02:08 - 02:13 | And now that Slovenian has a boyfriend in Maryland! |
02:14 - 02:16 | And he's a damned Democrat, you bastards. |
02:17 - 02:21 | I'm about to open up a can of whoop ass that will rival Stalin. |
02:27 - 02:29 | I could use a Diet Coke and a Big Mac about now. |
02:30 - 02:34 | And maybe a large fry. Do they still have apple pies? |
02:34 - 02:36 | I really like a good pie! |
02:41 - 02:42 | But you assholes just stand here |
02:43 - 02:47 | Looking at one another like you've never seen a crazy man before. |
02:48 - 02:53 | Well I'll show you crazy. |
02:54 - 02:56 | Have any of you seen the polling from Michigan? |
02:56 - 02:59 | Or Wisconsin for God's sake? Pennsylvania? Ohio, even! |
03:00 - 03:02 | No, you're too busy re-typing your resumes. |
03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay, Ivanka, you still have your Chinese trademarks. |
03:14 - 03:16 | I should have listened to Sean Hannity. |
03:19 - 03:23 | Nuke them all, he said. The whole country! |
03:25 - 03:26 | Why did I not listen? |
03:31 - 03:33 | But there's still time. |
03:40 - 03:46 | But Vladimir will help me. He's my one true friend |
03:46 - 03:49 | I'll put him in the G8, you watch. I'll do it. |
03:53 - 03:56 | Right before I press the button. |