| 00:00 - 00:03 | You are now safe from all of your responsibilities. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We called Uber Eats... |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | ...and the hamberders are coming. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | The driver says that the peaceful protests are slowing him down. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And so he has informed us that the food may be cold. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Don't worry. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | I had a microwave installed. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The microwave... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The microwave isn't here yet. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Amazon's tracking says one week. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | I want everyone with an Amazon Prime account to leave the room immediately. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the fuck?! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Jeff Bezos is just fucking with me! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | He probably had Obama install more of his 'wiretaps' in here! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | He knew I would want my hamberders warm. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I'm not eating that shit cold! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | The mad shits I get afterward are bad enough. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I swear, I'm gonna take that shit with the door open... |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | ...and all of you fuckers are gonna get a whiff of my taint. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Fuhrer, that's extremely rude of you. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Are you saying that you don't like my mud-butt taint? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Fuhrer, your ass smells of moldy cheese. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | God damn it, you are such a fucking crybaby. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | It's the presidential taint! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | You should be thanking me... |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | ...for letting you in here in the first place... |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | ...after you said those mean things about me on Twitter. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | All I ever hear from you is one complaint after another. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | 'Don't tweet so much,' or 'Maybe you shouldn't golf today,' or 'Stop abusing your power.' |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And now it's, 'Please don't share your taint with me.' |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Well, this time, I'm gonna shit so bad you'll smell it in your clothes. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I can't govern with cold hamberders. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Don't those assholes know that only I, the chosen one... |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | ...can fix all of the shit I've broken? |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | You guys lied to me. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | You said I'd get four more years if I just kept acting like a giant asshole. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | But I've been the biggest asshole in the world and shit is burning down around me. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | It's so unfair, this Black Lives Matter. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | What about me? What about Warm Food Matters? |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | You know what? Pack up your shit, we'll walk. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't cry, we all hate him, too. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Get the police on the phone. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Tell them to move those fuckers out of my way... |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | ...with tear gas. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Warm food matters. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | You all are going to walk with me over there so I don't look like a giant asshole doing it. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | There a church next door, right? |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Let me borrow your bible. |
