| 00:00 - 00:03 | Right, thanks for coming everyone. Eyes down boys. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Right, we've got a problem. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Apparently the wummin' are coming!! |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | And we've heard they're no' bringing any bevvy and they're planning on drinking all of ours. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | We've had scouts at the local offies and not one o' the fuckers has bought anything. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | So you're telling me they've no been to any of them?? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | That's what I call taking a fuckin' liberty. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Davy!! |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Tell him Jimmy. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | It gets worse mate. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They're bringing' the bairns too!! |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Get all of these fuckers not o' here. Iain, Brian and Jimmy, you stay here. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I SAID NAE FUCKIN' BAIRNS!!! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | The wee fuckers trash ma hoose every fuckin' year. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Crisps in the carpet and juice fuckin' everywhere. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | well I'm fucked if I'm having it again this year. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Scott Docherty eats us out o' house an' home every fuckin' year. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Fuckin' Nerf bullets everywhere because o' Rory, Gavin an' Sam. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Well they can fuck right off!! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Davy, calm doon for fuck sake! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Don't you tell me to calm doon Brian. Michael's just as fuckin' bad! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Davy, get a fuckin' grip man! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I'll get a grip o' your throat ya fuckin' bam. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Fuckin' tossers!! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | It's Mandy that falls on her arse every fuckin' year |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Going' roond cleaning' ma fuckin house up. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | While you pretend you're Gary fuckin Barlow on the singstar. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Paula wailing like a fuckin scalded cat thinking she can sing. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Fiona endin' up in fuckin' tears saying she loves everyone then fuckin' hates everyone. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Iain brings a fuckin' rice pudding every fuckin' year. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | And every fuckin' year we forget tae eat the fucker. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Well let me tell you this. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I've fuckin' had enough. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | It's ma fuckin hoose. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Just for once. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Nae bairns, nae crisps and juice and NAE FUCKIN' SINGIN". |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | It's no' too much to fuckin' ask just for one year, is it? |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | You're meant to be ma pals!! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Jimmy, you cannae even control your wife for fuck sake! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Nuggets every fuckin' year! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Keep calm Gail. The arsehole says this every fuckin' year. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I'm a broken man. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I'm over half a hundred for fuck sake. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I'm ending all of this. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I can't go on. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I'll go fuckin nuts if I've got to have these fuckers round for one more year. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | There's only one thing for it. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I'm going' tae ma fuckin mum's. |
