| 00:01 - 00:07 | Hello, this is your host Emily reporting in with more news |
| 00:08 - 00:13 | Today, our great leader Jordan came out as KappaPride |
| 00:14 - 00:18 | He and his friend Tommy are now confirmed KappaPride |
| 00:19 - 00:20 | We wish them the best! |
| 00:21 - 00:23 | I hope all will be KappaPride! |
| 00:24 - 00:30 | Next up, an update on the hunt for Quach's dong |
| 00:31 - 00:35 | The man behind the stealing has been cornered |
| 00:36 - 00:38 | Lo is confirmed to be hiding in a house. |
| 00:39 - 00:42 | Our great generals, Tony and David, |
| 00:43 - 00:46 | have found him hiding |
| 00:46 - 00:49 | Soon, the order to attack will come |
| 00:49 - 00:52 | We wish them the best of luck. |
