| 00:00 - 00:03 | That's the last of the Fevertree. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We've found a small shop open |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | here, but they only sell Schweppes. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | There are rumours of an overpriced organic farm shop |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | delivering in this area, though. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Don't worry about it. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | We can add it all to the Waitrose delivery. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Um, dad... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | There, er... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | There aren't any Waitrose delivery slots. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They're booked up until June. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone out, except James the fourth, Hector, Euripides and Ziggy. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I told you to book some goddamn slots! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | We KNEW everyone was going to go fucking nuts! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | What's wrong with this bloody country? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | First the fucking loo roll... |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Now I can't get a decent G & T! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | The twins are driving me fucking mad. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And if I have to watch one more goddamn Joe Wicks video |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | I swear I am going to hunt the man down and shit on him! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | He's helping people, Dad. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | He's a smug arsehole! We want to get shitfaced in peace! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | I've lost half a stone because of him. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | You still look like a smacked arse! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | You all do! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Covid isn't going to kill us! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | We're going to die of smug Facebook statuses! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | "We've all drawn a rainbow to symbolise hope!" |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | What's the point in a fucking rainbow when we can't wipe our arses?! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I've had fifty-three Zoom invitations since Tuesday. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | All from people I hate! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I can't even pretend to be busy any more. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | And getting to see their perfect houses |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | while I'm drowning in wrappers and dettol wipes. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | And the twins have drawn on every wall. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Oh, my god. Look at this. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Your five-year-old cousin has baked organic bread for the homeless. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Your aunt's posted it with a rainbow emoji. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | I want to tear out my own eyes. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Hector can't even pour his own cereal! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | You are the thickest bunch of twats I've ever met! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry. You can cook toast. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I was going to write a novel. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Get us all to record a family album. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Now, I want you dead. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I dream of massacre. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | We're one week into lockdown, and the truth has hit home. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I hate my family. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Every fucking one of you. |
