00:00 - 00:03 | Sir, the weather forecast is sunny and dry, |
00:04 - 00:05 | we should arrange a group ride. |
00:05 - 00:07 | Starting from here or here, |
00:08 - 00:12 | we can easily head out into the Surrey hills. |
00:12 - 00:15 | There won't even be much traffic. |
00:17 - 00:19 | I want to go to Richmond Park, |
00:19 - 00:21 | theyve banned cars there now. |
00:24 - 00:26 | Sir... |
00:27 - 00:28 | They... |
00:31 - 00:33 | The groups that went there last week were too big, |
00:34 - 00:36 | theyve banned cycling in the park. |
00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who met up at the park gates last week get out now |
01:13 - 01:15 | What the hell are they thinking? |
01:15 - 01:17 | Couldn't they meet up at the newsagents like usual? |
01:18 - 01:23 | No, they couldnt do that could they could they! |
01:25 - 01:28 | They had to stand around outside the entrance |
01:29 - 01:31 | like a bunch of f**king penguins |
01:31 - 01:34 | I'm in peak condition, my bike is running perfectly, |
01:34 - 01:37 | and you're telling me I'm not allowed on the roads? |
01:37 - 01:40 | What about my Strava times? |
01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, nobody is allowed to ride in the park. |
01:42 - 01:46 | Do I look like I care? What if someone steals my KoMs? |
01:46 - 01:48 | Well Sir, there's always Zwift |
01:48 - 01:52 | What? Do you think I'm going to pedal a bike in my own front room? |
01:53 - 01:54 | Are you demented? |
01:56 - 01:57 | I've spent days shaving my legs, |
01:57 - 02:00 | they're like pieces of polished glass. I queued up |
02:00 - 02:03 | for hours at Sigma to get this year's Team Ineos kit. |
02:04 - 02:08 | I even got a second mortgage for a pair of Rudi Rroject shades |
02:08 - 02:13 | that I'm scared to wear in case I drop them and scratch a lens |
02:14 - 02:16 | How am I supposed to impress anybody with all that |
02:17 - 02:21 | if I can't go round the park and stand by the cafe? |
02:27 - 02:29 | I've spent hours riding no handed |
02:30 - 02:34 | just so I can unwrap energy bars without stopping. |
02:34 - 02:36 | I hate those things. They look like dogsh*t |
02:41 - 02:42 | and don't taste much better either. |
02:43 - 02:47 | I've mastered getting my bottle in and out of the cage |
02:48 - 02:53 | without looking. Do you think for one moment |
02:54 - 02:56 | those stupid deer are going to |
02:56 - 02:59 | stop throwing themselves on the road for long enough |
03:00 - 03:02 | to notice how fabulous I look? |
03:04 - 03:07 | If I were a deer, I'm sure i'd fancy him. |
03:14 - 03:16 | What's the point of getting the look |
03:19 - 03:23 | if there's no one there to see it? |
03:25 - 03:26 | (sigh) I need some perspective. |
03:31 - 03:33 | Right, not to worry, |
03:40 - 03:46 | Everyone get your cars, strap your mountain bikes on the roof. |
03:46 - 03:49 | and we'll drive down to Dorking and hit the trails. |
03:53 - 03:56 | They can't us stop doing that can they?! |