| 00:00 - 00:03 | You supported my one heart opener, |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | and I invited you to game. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | But our opponents ran their spades, |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | and once the finesse failed, set us three doubled tricks |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | for a penalty score of 800 points above the line. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | But you had five hearts, |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and at least 12 points since you opened one heart. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Harry |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | I only had |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Ian only had four hearts, and 8 points |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | and that's including points for doubletons. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone out except for Sophie, Vicky, and Ian. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Only four fucking hearts?! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I can't wipe my ass with four hearts! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | If you open a major, you must have 5 of that suit! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | And 8 points? Is it possible to have so few? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Bridge is a game of conventions, |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | and you are conventionally fucking this game up |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | for everyone who's playing the game correctly. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Why do you insist on confusing your partner?! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Harry, I'm pretty sure you opened with four hearts |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | You can respond to a short club or a short diamond with four hearts! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Harry, what about when you bid hearts with only two. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I overcalled a one heart opener! It was Michael's cue bid! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | You fucking fuck! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | It says that you have two five card suits, |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | neither of them hearts and promises only 6-10 points. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | It certainly doesn't promise five hearts, or opening points |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | like that smug jackass over there did for me! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I've seen you fuck up a pre-empt bid with a strong 2 club opener |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | so don't act like you invented Jacoby transfers! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I've seen better convention-bidding and contract-play from Stalin! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I'm sorry to yell at you all, |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | but I feel we've been over this so many fucking times, lecturing |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | at your impenetrable skulls. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Maybe we can tattoo these conventions |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | to your left nut, or the underside of your eyelid, |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | somewhere where you won't forget, ever again, what bidding one heart means. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | We get 30 points for every trick in a major, |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | but we can't get a single fucking point |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | if you continue to play like a moron! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | I cried a lot too when Harry tried to teach me Bridge. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | We should've been in three no-trump |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | We had stoppers in every suit, and a positional squeeze in diamonds would've |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | gotten us the ninth trick. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | "The trick is alone." |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | No - I am alone on my team trying to win this idiotic card game |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | and my partner is tricking me with every possible bid. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Can we switch partners? |
