| 00:00 - 00:03 | The box office numbers are looking disappointing |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Jumanji is beating us this weekend |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | It looks like we won't overtake The Last Jedi |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Actually, we may not overtake even Rogue One |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Our Rotten Tomatoes score has fallen below The Phantom Menace |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | But the fans will be happy |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | And the general audience |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Actually... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The fans... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The fans are leaving the theaters crying |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They are making long YouTube videos panning it |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone, get out, except JJ, Chris and Bob |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What do you mean, we won't catch The Last Jedi? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | What was the point of all those reshoots?! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | How can you say after all we've done we won't even catch Rogue One? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | How did this happen? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Everybody has been lying to me |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Even the marketing department! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | You all are just a bunch of |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | contemptible, disloyal cowards |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | We are still making over a billion-- |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | The Last Jedi made $1.3 billion! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | There is still time to catch up |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | The Last Jedi was finished early and under budget! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | There's no more holiday weekends! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | If the Christmas bump didn't do it, nothing will! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | How can you call yourself a professional and deliver |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | this kind of frantically paced exposition dump! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | You promised this would unite the fans! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | You said you had done extensive research! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | What I should have done |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | is fire the lot of you and push this movie back a year |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Even if you didn't like The Last Jedi |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | It was still your job to build on it |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Not retcon it |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | You said bringing back Palpatine |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | would be a guaranteed crowd pleaser! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | You said the public wanted more trio |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | You said we could do a kiss for the Reylos |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | And kill Ben off for the antis |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | And everyone would be happy |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay, Ben Solo isn't real |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | It was a mistake to try to please everyone |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Instead of following the story where it led |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | It's over |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | We're stuck with this |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Get the Story Group back in here. And give them a raise |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Can't have any more quitting and going to Rian Johnson |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Good luck, they'll need it |
