| 00:00 - 00:03 | Gentleman, firstly, thankyou for attending |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We have some terrible news that will affect the town of Accrington for ever |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Vodka Tony has retired and planning on escaping via the river stink |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Your Lordship, we have done our best to contain him but the volvo is too quick. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | He was last seen in the South of Accrington shouting out of the volvo window "thanks for the invite" |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | This can't be happening, all the bars in Accrington will close down. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Rushkinoff sales will plummet, this can't be happening |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir, |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | he, |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | sir, he didn't turn up to his own 30th, he had a bath and had an early night. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Vodka Tony is no more. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | If you're a bouncer and had to kick him out of your bar during Vodka Tony time please leave the room now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | DO YOU REALISE WHAT IS HAPPENING! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I WANT FULL ROAD CLOSURE ON ALL ROADS GOING OUT OF ACCRINGTON! |
