00:00 - 00:05My mate Rob says "hey, come and join BIS"
00:05 - 00:07"It's b-b-b-brilliant there"
00:07 - 00:10They're in need of some IT architects
00:11 - 00:16We've already got 42 TA's but need some SA's and EA's
00:17 - 00:21And now they're paying me £800 per day
00:21 - 00:24It's true!
00:29 - 00:31It's true!
00:31 - 00:34And all you've got to do is read Gartner's website
00:38 - 00:40It's true...
00:41 - 00:47And pass it off as your own work. They don't have a fucking clue what good looks like. The boss is barely ever there!
00:47 - 00:50He's always going to conferences or noshing off CapGemini...
00:50 - 00:56And when he is in, he's playing with Lego!
00:58 - 00:59Or playing Mario in costume...
00:59 - 01:01With the hobbit looking fucker, Julian
01:04 - 01:06What a bunch of cunts
01:06 - 01:08But I'll take your money
01:13 - 01:14It's true!
01:14 - 01:16They even think they invented Agile!!!
01:16 - 01:20No word a lie...
01:21 - 01:27Trailblazing they call it...Trailblazing for fucks sake.
01:35 - 01:36Paying for playbooks
01:36 - 01:39when half the staff have previous experience of it
01:41 - 01:44But joking aside
01:44 - 01:47I've been able to buy an eighty grand Land Rover
01:47 - 01:49And I've moved out of Senghenydd
01:50 - 01:53and into a 5 bedroom house in Cyncoed
01:54 - 01:56thanks to Welsh Water
01:56 - 01:58I used to drive buses
01:58 - 02:02but now I regurgitate Gartner wank
02:05 - 02:07It's true
02:10 - 02:11And guess what...
02:11 - 02:13And guess what...
02:15 - 02:17My boss
02:17 - 02:20is a walking apology of a man, who dresses like Dr Who
02:21 - 02:28and spends his time pointing people at Ted Talks to give him a whiff of credibility, but his MacBook never works when he shows them
02:29 - 02:30A corporate device?
02:30 - 02:32Is it fuck!
02:36 - 02:39He should work in an Apple store
02:40 - 02:42Never has the word genius meant so little
02:50 - 02:55And I haven't told you about their Kanban board yet
02:56 - 02:58They use it to organise work?
02:58 - 03:04They do but it's a different system than everyone else so they ignore business problems
03:04 - 03:09And do what they like...whatever tickles them on the day
03:09 - 03:11If they're not hackathoning
03:16 - 03:20Not for profit!
03:23 - 03:26Winning customer trust every day!
03:31 - 03:36But at least their craftsmen have iPads to wipe the shit off their boots