| 00:00 - 00:03 | It'll soon be time for you to go on guard again |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | you will report to the guardroom |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | and relieve the bloke in there at 1800 |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | your shift will be until 0400 |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | and if you're caught with a bottle of buckfast again, the platoon sergeant will have your bollocks |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | But I've been on guard for the past 4 saturdays |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | I'm not meant to be on guard all weekend |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Well Pvt Farquhar... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | You see... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The lizard who was supposed to be on guard has jacked |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | and the RSM has once again decided to dick you with it |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone here who has a shred of pride about them, and doesn't touch kids, leave the room now |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Are you cunts taking the PISS!? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Why is it always ME! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Every time some screamer fucks off guard, it's "Let's dick Farquhar he enjoys sitting in a fuckin box alone" |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Why's this nonce not able to do guard anyway? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Useless malingering freakshow man! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Each tasking i'm given is worse than the last |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | last week it was pick litter off the parade square where there's never any litter |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | the week before that it was "Back to Basics" for the 100th fuckin time |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Pvt Farquhar "Back to Basics" is good for the lads, it keeps morale up and- |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | IT'S. FUCKING. GOPING! just like you, you fucking creature! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Well I enjoy scrubbing my knob in a dark forest while piss-wrapped |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Oh fuck off you actual minging bit of kit |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | It's a complete piss-take! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Is it too much to ask to be given a buckshee posting |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | like Cyprus or Jordan |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | atleast then If I get dicked about it'll be in a warm climate! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | And maybe, just maybe, I'd do something interesting and worthwhile |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | and right at the end I could go out to Ayia Napa and get totally fuckin rat arsed |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | anything to break up the sheer fuckin drollness that is this fort |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | because at this stage I am a sodding husk of a man, and I'm sick of it! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Is it too much to ask... |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | for the Army to deliver "A life of adventure" |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | and the opportunity to really be the best, instead of a glorified security guard |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I'm fucking snapped gents |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I really don't know how much more dickings i can take before my fragile mind implodes |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | They're on thin fucking ice as it is |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | and they wonder why no one wants to join |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | because why the fuck would you, when you get treated like a fucking 5 year old |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | It really is genuinely giping stuff |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Wait till he finds out his passports out of date |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Y'know i'm beginning to accept it now... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | That perhaps fort George isn't the promised land after all, |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | cool as it looks |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | have any of you fucking creatures got anything to say? |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Next time someone jacks on guard, why don't one of you lot muck in and volunteer? |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Cause' my hoop is fuckin slack at this point boys |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Fuck this...I'm signing aff |
