00:00 - 00:01 | So our customer's... |
00:00 - 00:05 | their devs were telling us "Come on, hurry up" |
00:05 - 00:07 | "Migrate the program, so that it uses compiler newer than 2010!" |
00:07 - 00:10 | We were looking at them in disbelief |
00:11 - 00:16 | Do they think we're still developing this? |
00:17 - 00:21 | No one has touched the development on this in years! |
00:21 - 00:24 | At all! |
00:29 - 00:31 | Dear me! |
00:31 - 00:34 | When anyone wants new features, we let potential new recruits code them during interviews! |
00:38 - 00:40 | In 15 minutes! |
00:41 - 00:47 | And then the interviewer just merges their code to the main branch. No checking or anything. |
00:47 - 00:50 | And they're asking us to migrate to a new compiler? |
00:50 - 00:56 | When new guys off the street code features in 15 minute chunks?! |
00:58 - 00:59 | The jokers! |
00:59 - 01:01 | The absolute jokers! |
01:04 - 01:06 | No one halfway capable is working on this, you buffoons! |
01:06 - 01:08 | Not even Indian devs from Fiverr! |
01:13 - 01:14 | And then |
01:14 - 01:16 | They ask us to fix bugs in this mess |
01:16 - 01:20 | Like anyone here cares! |
01:21 - 01:27 | Saying 'You're returning response with different id than the request sent in!' |
01:35 - 01:36 | We checked the code |
01:36 - 01:39 | And the guy who did it just creates a new id for the response |
01:41 - 01:44 | Like "Here, you sent me 123" |
01:44 - 01:47 | "So here's 456 in the response" |
01:47 - 01:49 | "Now do your best to pair those!" |
01:50 - 01:53 | We hired that guy |
01:54 - 01:56 | He's a lead dev... |
01:56 - 01:58 | For this dead project |
01:58 - 02:02 | That we still sell for serious cash |
02:05 - 02:07 | And we charge... |
02:10 - 02:11 | for patches! |
02:11 - 02:13 | For patches as well! |
02:15 - 02:17 | And they want to update compilers |
02:17 - 02:20 | When the compiler version is the date we stopped giving a shit |
02:21 - 02:28 | But in official communication we always tell the customer 'We're working hard, burning the midnight oil' |
02:29 - 02:30 | But you don't? |
02:30 - 02:32 | We don't develop shit! |
02:36 - 02:39 | It's a miracle they always believe us |
02:40 - 02:42 | When we tell them we will fix something |
02:50 - 02:55 | But we're grateful for all the money they keep pouring in. |
02:56 - 02:58 | What if they catch on? |
02:58 - 03:04 | We'll recompile the old code and tell them it's new version 6.0.9 or something. |
03:04 - 03:09 | Without changing a thing, the old bugs will still be there. |
03:09 - 03:11 | I love naive customers. |
03:16 - 03:20 | And they want new compiler support. |
03:23 - 03:26 | Just drop the product already and develop your own! |
03:31 - 03:36 | It might even be cheaper in the long term. |