| 00:00 - 00:03 | The grand plan has been a success so far |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Our snow clearing |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Teenagers on mopeds |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | the potholes all over our village |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | culminating in your dog-shit clearing magnificence |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Finally, I'm a local hero |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and all the locals adore me |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Your Excellence...... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | a threat hes emerged |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The Butchers Arms has been refurbished |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Many locals are going there, and having fun |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who has recently been to the Butchers, get out now.. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | That bastard new Landlord... |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | ...and Landlady... |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | and their damned happy, welcoming staff |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Why did we not foresee this ? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I knew there was something going on there |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | We must up our game of negativity.... |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Get the local Papers involved again |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | a photo of me, covered in dog shit, in a pothole |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Excellency, they have new beer lines |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Fuck their new beer lines |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | a huge range of gins, and chilli sambucca |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Fuck's sake, I never go in there, I've been blind-sided |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | All my work all these years... |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Building my personal image |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | I'm supposed to be the local saviour |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Protecting the elderly, from snow sprinkles |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | preventing children having fun sliding on paths |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | so I can get an award, a Knighthood, a bench plaque with my name on |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | in fucking Simon's Wood |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | or better still, the primary bench in Market Square |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Damn the Blenkirons |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | They're not even bloody locals... |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | If they start with Live music and Karaoke nights... |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I'll be completely fucked |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | How dare they cheer everyone up, when I had their wills crushed and broken |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | The Scunthorpe Telegraph think I'm a local God |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | and now THIS |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | We need a completely new plan |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Something massive and genuinely worthwhile |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | This bloody Country though... |
| 03:14 - 03:17 | a fucking temperate zone... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | too far from the edge of a tectonic plate.. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Just when we need an earthquake.... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | or a volcano.... |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | or a huge fucking tsunami along Park Street, King Street, and Low Street |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | No chance of any of them, so, just..... |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Have the Landlord and Landlady shot at dawn |
