The date for the wedding has been set for August 15th
1100 at Magdeburg registry office.
The reception at the Elb Riviera Hotel.
Guests will arrive at 1300 for a sit down meal.
Ben’s guests will arrive from the ibis budget in the West.
Annika’s from Lichtenburg in the East.
I can’t wait, I’ve never been bridesmaid before.
Annika no longer wants you as bridesmaid.
They want Amy instead.
Anyone that agrees that Amy will make a better bridesmaid than me can leave the room now.
That’s typical of her!
Annika has always been so fickle!
Who the hell does she think she is! I’ve already brought the dress!
I even waxed my legs!
Is it the moustache?
I told her I need it for work!
Don’t even get me started on that lanky Tommy!
I bet my solitary testicle he put her up to this!
My Fuhrer I can’t allow you to blame the groom.
He looks like Jacob Rees Mogg! For Christ sake!
My Fuhrer you are being monstrous.
His English pig relatives are the scum of the earth!
The men have no hair!
The women thicker moustaches than mine!
Who would associate with such vermin!
She has shattered my dreams!
How many more opportunities will I get to be bridesmaid at my age?
As a child I was never allowed, yet when alone I would dress up in my Mother’s clothes!
And now I’m forbidden again, I feel so betrayed!
I don’t know who I hate more Annika or that old commie Stalin!
I would have done so well, you saw me in the dress.
I looked so sexy, and Eva was going to fix my hair!
But no they want Amy the baboon!
But those traitors will pay!
They shall pay I tell you!
I hope they all choke on the wedding cake!
I hope their children come out with webbed feet!
That he gets leprosy, his frankfurter falls off in his hand!
That she gets fat and ugly, catches him in bed with a goat!
Don’t worry Helga we’re still the flower girls.
My last chance shot down in flames.
You may as well take the dress back to M&S.
It is over.
I won’t be bridesmaid.
But if you gentleman believe that I will still go, you are very much mistaken.
I would sooner cut off my little soldier with a rusty old spoon!
You go if you want.