That is the refurbishment complete
We are ready to open the doors
even to the scum from Govanhill.
Fuck we will even let Linen customers in
as long as they dont batter anyone with a guitar case.
What about the Guinness and that shite cider?
Have we sorted that?
The cider is not coming back
and the Guinness is fucked.
Everyone leave apart from Colin, John and the speccy one from the kitchen.
How could this happen?
We are meant to be the best pub now in Shawlands.
That big Irish bastard Dave is going to kick my ass.
And as for the Guinness...
the rugby is on this weekend.
A fucking sparkler is all we need.
Spend all this money and we cant even have a £3 nozzel!
They will be all laughing at us, even The Georgic.
Stevie, we have tried but its all Colins fault.
Fucking Colin, we know he can't organise a piss up in a brewery.
Stevie, we could ask Butterfly & Pig for one?
Im not asking that gay bar for nothing.
We are already copying their entertainment they have.
We can't even ask Wetherspoons
they sell Guinness a pound cheaper.
And Tassies would just tell me to piss off.
Then there is the cider situation
Irish Dave is going to rip me a new one.
Last time he did that I cried for days.
Wee Brian won't do his Open Mic night with no Guinness either.
What will Head Office say?
They will make me work evenings
evenings and weekends!
We sorted the bogs stinking of piss
even got the shite off the walls.
The pain in the arse Smiddy will be looking at me like i'm a waste of space
Well I dont give a fuck
I will tell Head Office it is that prick Colins fault
Let him take the blame.
Dont worry Emma, that other job may still be going.
Call ourselves a pub
Even the shite new DJ couldn't get us out of this one.
That prick Colin
Your going to have to answer to Dave.
He will fuck you up so bad.
I'll talk to the regulars