| 00:00 - 00:03 | We have booking the Mess Christmas Ball... |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | ...so far we have tried Chloe's, |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Tanners and the Rock Salt Brasserie, |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | All of them have said that they are fully booked... |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | ...and that we should try Leandra's who cater for larger parties. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | What about the Barbican? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | The one with the frilly curtains? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | They... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | They said you are banned for life after you last visit... |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | ...and your penis puppet show |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who is not on the Mess committee get...the...fuck out... |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I gave you one fucking task.... |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | ...just one simple, uncomplicated fucking task... |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | ...book seat for the Christmas Ball tomorrow night for 100 guests |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | You lot couldn't organize a piss up in a brewery |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | And as for that Bitch who did the invites... |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | ...they are all in the wrong font and the wrong colour! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | You promised me that you wouldn't fuck it up... |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | ...and you have pulled my pants down and fisted me DRY.... |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, we didn't have enough notice to sort it out... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Fucking DRY!! And not even the decency to give me a reach around! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, it's Christmas, everywhere is fully booked! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I don't care if it is that gay hippy's Birthday or not! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I'M THREADERS!!! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Every time I ask you fuckwits... |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | ...to organize the Mess function and invites... |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | ...you make me look like a fucking retard! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | The venue is shite, the invites are shocking and the dress code is terrible... |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | ...and don't get me started on the entertainment and DJ! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Not one fucking ABBA song! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I'm getting the piss taken out of me by one of the fucking village people - Stalin! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I'm a laughing stock at the Golf Club.... |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | ...a laughing stock, ME! The life of the party... |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | ...always there for sun uppers! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Not any more... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | ...This time I'm gonna organize it myself and do it my way! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I'm gonna throw a Ball that will be remembered for a life time... |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | ...a four course meal with Champagne... |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | ...with flowers and candles on the table... |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | ...and the invites in the right FUCKING FONT! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay Anna, it's not your fault! |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | We will have Dwarf bowling... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | ...and naked waiters to welcome guests... |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | ...Captain Cunty Bollocks can do it... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | ...let him only wear a bow tie. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | And if our guests do not think that this is the best Ball they have ever been to... |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | ...I'll take them off my Christmas card list... |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | ...you fucking see if I don't..... |
