| 00:00 - 00:03 | Herr McMahon, we've been researching some resorts for your summer holiday |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We've looked at Morecambe, |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | St Annes and Blackpool |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | In Blackpool there are hotels doing bed, breakfast and evening meal for a tenner |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | An ensuite bathroom is extra. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | I need to top up my tan |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | I assume Blackpool will be hot and sunny in October |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Well.....the forecast is normally rain |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Wet and windy, 14 degrees |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Intermittent hail showers |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Sometimes the size of golf balls |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who agrees with McGovern that Blackpool is the Las Vegas of the north better leave the bloody room |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the hell are you dicks playing at ?? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I've got my reputation to think about |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | My people don't call me the bronzed DOM for nothing |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | The man with the tan |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | The Jimmy Calderwood of Springburn |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Big Doro is going to Tenerife |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | He'll be swaggering about the writing room |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Short sleeve shirts and bloody Oakleys |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Gordon his oakleys are four year old. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I don't care if they're looky lookies like all his bloody watches |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | He can't do the blind juggler act |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Blind jugglings finished. Singing's the name of the game now. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Even Mario can do the blind juggler |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I used to be the top man in the Mail Centre |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Maureen and Anne eating out my hand |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Now I'm stuck in dog bite country and with out a tan |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Big peely waally |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | All I ask you to do is organise a spray tan |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And a cheap holiday in the sun |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | A cruise ship full of pensioners who llok up to big Gordy the young stud |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | And Karaoke in the evening. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I'm the laughing stock in that writing room |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | It's not been so bad since I got caught hiding the chocolate digestives |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Even Neil mocked me |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | The man who turned Tunnock into a world class organisation |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Not one dodgy snowball in over 2 years |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Snowballs as whoite as my face |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | There's more chance of McGovern catching a five pound trout |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Than there is of me getting my face browned |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, hot salons are doing 50% off all beds. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I want one of you rockets to phone the Sun Kissed Salon |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Book me an all over bum, b**ls and bahookey |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Dark, dark brown |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | McGovern and Doro will be spewing |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Never again will they mock my holiday preparations. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | There's going to be only one show in town. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Right, get me my chocolate digestives |
