The Allies are trapped
We have them surrounded and cut off
We now need money for munitions
Money for supplies
And, of course, money for Eva's breast augmentation
Not a problem
Just cash in a few Oxford recommendations
My Fuhrer ...
The money ...
We lost it all in the market.
We can't afford that pistol for your bunker
All but my generals leave us now ...
This is impossible!
I read the promos myself!
Matt Carr said cannabis stocks were a sure thing!
He said Americans are all a bunch of stoners
He must have been smoking it himself!
Lichtenfeld promised a 3,000% return
in that damn Lightning Trend Trader
How does 3,000% equal no money left?
My Fuher, there was a free trial period
No, they clearly said no refunds this time. It's too late!
We can still get something pro-rated
Great! We'll get $99 back but we lost $42 million!
Then there's Steve's bond service
He seemed credible on those Market Wake-Up Calls
Have you seen the outtakes?
He's wearing short pants!
The only thing McDonald understands is bail bonds!
It was worse than Karim and his blasted options
I bit because he offered me those damn coupons
Who buys stocks with coupons? It never made any sense.
Instead of selling puts we should have bought them
How could we have been such fools?
Those copywriters got us again
This is worse than bitcoin
Adam told us to buy and never sell. "Never" he said.
What's the point of buying if you don't ever sell?
Then Fessler got us into oil stocks
Oil dropped 22% in a month
We took it in the shorts again!
I told him it was too good to be true
Green and his Single Stock Retirement Plan
How do you retire on one stock three times?
Made no sense ...
And no money.
The Club has some hellacious copywriters
But the editors can't measure up.
Hand me my free Manward pistol ...