Apollo
160 views • 12/16/2013
| 00:00 - 00:03 | Our TCS Apollo account is down again this month. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | That account has been down |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | 8 out of 9 months. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | So far we have lost almost 12% since inception. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | The losses come from all asset classes: FX, rates and equities. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Don't 'worry, we were up in November |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and their master fund is also up this month. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir, Steiner... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Steiner... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Steiner just sent the December performance for our account. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | As of Friday, we are down another 50 bps even though the master fund is up 39 bps. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Whoever thought it was a good idea to invest in TCS Apollo leave this room right now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Apollo is up every month! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | You morons told me Apollo only goes up! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Now we're going to be in the red for our entire 1940 act fund! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | My bonus is going down the drain before my eyes! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Do you realise what this means? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I'll have to sell my vintage Camaro SS! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I got this car with my home equity loan |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | along with a flat screen TV and an iPad. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, I warned you the returns might be too good to be true. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Bullshit! Everyone said we would make a killing by investing in that fund. |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, isn't your base salary enough to go by? |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Screw you! I am entitled to a life of luxury like everyone else! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | You said their returns looked fantabulous! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | The other idiot thought the pension funds were suckers not to invest in Apollo. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Their salesman said we should invest now. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | He said they would soft close the fund at $300 million |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | "Invest now or be left out forever" he told me, and I fell for it. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Until we invested that fund was going up in a straight line. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And as soon as we invest, it's down 7 months in a row! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Their PMs couldn't trade their way out of paper bag. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Their equity PM can't even book a trade |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | or roll a contract properly. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | He should get a sign that says idiot and hold it over his head. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I should have listened to my wife. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | She had already told me not to invest in Madoff's feeder fund. But I thought this fund is different. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Their quant said they had an innovative risk management system. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | I'll tell him where to stick his risk parity. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | The only result is that they are losing money in all asset classes! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Now we'll get hit with redemptions from investors. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry I'm sure you can get a job as a realtor or a dog walker. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Now I'm going to have to downsize the McMansion. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I'll have to postpone the jacuzzi and swimming pool renovation. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I guess I still have my 401(k). |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I invested most of it in the Apollo BVI fund which is still doing well. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | All I need to do is ask their CFO to take some of my money out of the fund. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I should have it back in a few days, they say they offer daily liquidity. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I wonder why he hasn't been returning my emails recently. |
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