| 00:00 - 00:03 | So here are the final plans for opening Zanzibar Antiques |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | strategically placed billboards |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | throughout inroads to Newcastle centre |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | full size inflatable magpies in the street |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | with monocles of course to ensure brand authenticity |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | We'll put up a magpie shaped sign too |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | to show we're open for business |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer.. |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Steiner.. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | We advertised on Facebook for a signmaker |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | but nobody replied |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Only these stallholders stay, Kite Fly, Jogurt, Crisps and Put-on |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | This really is the last straw. |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I have totally lost my patience with this BS |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Just get the lift working they said, a lick of paint here and there |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | it'll be a right little goldmine |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | where are we going to get a sign now? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I'll get my tools and do it all myself |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | show you all how crafty I can be |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | colours, artwork, how hard can it be |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Fuhrer, you didn't even get your O-level in Art |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | How hard can it possibly be? I've seen Art Attack on Saga TV |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Fuhrer, underlayers are really hard to do |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I know how to do underlayers, I'm not going in with this pencil |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I don't want to hear it |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Do you realise how many times |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | I've intimated that we're opening soon on social media |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | only to be humiliated time and again |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | we're making the Sky building look a roaring success |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | at least they had a fricking sign whilst we haven't even sorted out a car park attendent yet |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Bloody minimum wage shouldn't apply here |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I'm seriously considering doing that myself too, or even asking Stalin |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | All I wanted was a little nik-nak shop |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | somewhere to sell my little painted magpies |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Conquer the world on Amazon Marketplace |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | it's all gone |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I had to try and build an empire of tat to beat those Six Towns guys |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | but there just aren't enough Tim-nice-but-Dim's outside of London |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | a pasty shop would have worked better |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | what was I thinking of requesting a Vegan cafe and Juice bar? |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | As if this is Shoreditch high street |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's ok, Newcastle is up-and-coming |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | End of the day, we're broke. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | hopefully Lendy will re-finance this unmitigated disaster |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Liam? |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | The trick is still on |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | RICS valuers have said this place is worth £6.5m, because that's what I told them to write down |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Hopefully that'll work, as usual. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | with 2% CB it'll fly |
