| 00:00 - 00:03 | Dutton's forces are moving the petition through the parliamentary kitchens. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | They've reached the pantry, between Marise ... |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | ... Payne's suite and Laurie Oakes' old office. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We dispatched Pyne's Pansy Division to intercept them. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Alas, the Winning Machine reports they've run out of false nails. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Cormann will re-supply them. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | They can fight on for days. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Prime Minister ... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Cormann ... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Cormann has defected to Dutton and the Party wants... |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | ... Morrison to take over as the new leader. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Leave now if Julie Bishop has ever been your 'loyal deputy.' |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I told you idiots NOT to rely on PYNE! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Which PART of that did you not underSTAND! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | It's bad enough that I had to depend on that Belgian bone head, Cormann. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Oh Malcolm ... *sniff* |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | That terrifying zombie Dutton ... |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | ... is stalking me and you send Pyne. F.F.S! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | As for Morrison, what a lucky bastard he turned out to be! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | 'Sco-Mo,' my arse! 'Steven Bradbury,' more like it! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But that makes you one of the clowns who fell over! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Listen, smart-arse, just explain why he's in and I'm OUT! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | All I know is he worked tirelessly on the NEG! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | The NEG! Thanks for reminding me! That's how all this started! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Nobody knows what it IS! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I give these bogans gay marriage ... |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | ... climate policies that will cool the earth ... |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | ... not to mention the highest electricity prices in the world! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Thats not all. I turn the ADF into a fucking crossdresser's encounter group! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I even lose the Micks - something no Liberal prime minister has ever done! Not even Billy McMahon! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | What more does the Party base want from me?! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | If they dont appreciate me, then screw them! Let them have three years under SHORTEN! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | They're all beneath me. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Every morning, Lucy tells me: "You're the man." |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | "There's nothing you can't do." |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | But all my life ... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | ... people have let me DOWN and destroyed my grand VISION! EVERY single FUCKING time! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Take that Speedo-wearing onion-eater, Abbott! I deserved to BURY him! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Chris Uhlmann assured me! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Even the A.R.M. was on the verge of revival and what happens? |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Peter Fitz-fucking-Simons, that's what! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Ill die with him, Niki. Me first, Miranda. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | It's just not fair. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Yes, I gave Russell Coight $444 million to save the Reef. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | So? |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Australia has let me down again. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | But let me tell you what NOBODY will EVER take away from me ... |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Abbott NEVER rocked a leather jacket on Q&A like I did. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | That's something. |
