| 00:01 - 00:07 | With your kind attention and permission to everyone in Leafy Lytham |
| 00:08 - 00:14 | Saturday is the annual Religious festival Club Day in honour of Carlsberg God |
| 00:14 - 00:19 | Cubbins Funfair in Town so lock up your garages |
| 00:19 - 00:23 | Enjoy Waltzer Rides and Hanging of Rose Queen |
| 00:24 - 00:29 | And please no alcohol on the Green |
| 00:29 - 00:32 | Or exchanging bodily fluids with Damsels from Kirkham |
| 00:32 - 00:35 | Please tip all taxis handsomely |
| 00:35 - 00:38 | And please do not fight outside Ahmets Kebab Shop |
| 00:38 - 00:43 | Or frighten the Police Horses with selfies |
| 00:43 - 00:48 | And in the Bog Island Flower Display No more American Beauty |
| 00:48 - 00:52 | Please stand in orderly mannor for taxis like Meat counter at Morrisons |
| 00:48 - 00:49 | Have a lovely Club Day Sweet and Tasty English People |
