| 00:00 - 00:03 | Here is a sample of our Road Trip Strategy |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We will seek to drop in here, here, and here |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | With donuts and coffee |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We will then send irrelevant call and email cadences behind it |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | We think the annoying irrelevant nature will spark curiousity |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | I see all this activity, but it isn't documented in salesforce |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | And I don't see any use of Sales Story |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My leader... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Because |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Because we don't have enough time to do the work and enter everything |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | And because we think its pointless |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Those with good salesforce hygiene must stay - Next Steps, Close Date, Forecast Category, etc. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What in the holy fuck is wrong with all them |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | You're supposed to show them the way |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Even Helga knows how to enter simple fucking data |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | And she has no idea what the fuck she's doing |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I don't even think her IQ is that of a small rodent |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | What am I going to hear next - they have a higher productivity level? |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Its not about the quality or quantity of work |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Its about following our arbitrary fucking processes |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But sir we are only trying to do what's best for the business |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Fucking trying to do what's best |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir we are just trying to do our best |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Fuck your best! Your best is my worst. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I was better than you when I was 12 |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I had to use paper maps and phone booths |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | That's real selling, not this garbage |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I don't think Helga even knows what a phone is |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Can we find a salesperson with at least a 50 IQ |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Why are all of you so incompetent |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I think maybe I should fire all of you |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I'm getting too old for this babysitting |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | If you all were only as smart as me think of how good everything would be |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Maybe I'll record my own calls so you can see how good I am |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Go back and start over |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I want ever fucking field on every fucking account complete |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I want four status calls every day to inspect the data |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I can't believe we are right back here again |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And while we're at it, lets add some new fields too |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | And lets make them all required |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Stupid idiots like Helga won't know what to do |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Its okay, we are sorry you are so dense |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I want them so miserable they all quit |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Who the fuck does the hiring here |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | This is aweful |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | And ya'll want simple and efficient |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | It pains me to think how much smarter I am than all of you |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I think we might need a week for retraining from scratch |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I need a drink |
