| 00:00 - 00:03 | Vijay Singh is not playing the Olympics |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Neither is Adam Scott |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | They say the German Course has too many Bunkers |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Louis Oosthuizen and Charl Schwartzel aren't playing either. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | They are worried about the Zika Virus |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | That's all right, We still have Ernie Els in the field |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | And Tiger Woods |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | They are ranked too low, |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | they won't be qualified |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Phil Mickelson and Jim Furyk won't be qualified either |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone not on the Olympic Committee, leave right now! |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the Fuck! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | We added Golf to the Olympics and the Hall of Fame players won't be playing??? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I want to know right now |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Who recommended golf be added to the Olympics |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Who put all these bunkers on the course |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Why hasn't the Zika Virus been eradicated |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Just who is going to be playing in the Olympics |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Who is coming to the Glorious Motherland to play Olympic Golf? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Rory McIlroy said he will be playing |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Rory McIlroy, until he trips over a soccer ball and sprains his ankle |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Jordan Spieth and Jason Day |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Spieth can't win the Masters with 5 shot lead, and Day gets Vertigo every other day |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I want Tiger Woods |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Phil Mickelson, and Ernie Els |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | They are true superstars of golf |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I want you to change the exemption status |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | All the Living Hall of Famers must be required to play. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Jack Nicklaus who is the Greatest of All Time |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Arnold Palmer who brought golf to the Masses |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Gary Player and Greg Norman who was the original FIGJAMs. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | These players will make Olympic Golf a big success |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | And do what you have to do to get rid of that Zika Virus |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Olympic Golf needs to succeed! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Make the bunkers deeper and bigger |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Grow the rough Longer and thicker |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | and mow the greens so they look like Lenin's head |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Push the tees back to the Tips |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I want a target winning score of 300 |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | This will make the Olympic golf the greatest tournament ever |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Its OK, players will still come and play |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Do you think Bubba and Justin Rose can save the tournament? |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I sure hope so |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | We are in big trouble otherwise |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Do you think we can get Tiger to play? |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Its going to take Millions of Dollars |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And a dozen Pancake Waitresses |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Do whatever you have to do |
