| 00:00 - 00:03 | Your mum was sighted with Jacob |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Our sources Say |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | They are currently raiding |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | the sweet ailse in Morrisons |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | We are starting to get concerned |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Don't worry |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | She will get him a water and some fruit |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Jamie |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | She is |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | They're currently in the American sweet shop |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | And he's just been seen with an ice lolly and a slush |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who is under 13 stone. Leave |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | The fucking feeder strikes again |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Here comes another night |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | When Jacob is running round the house like Mo Farah |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | She will say "he's energetic because he's a baby" |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | ignoring the 1292 |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Grams of sugar that Jacob has consumed |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Guaranteed she will say "that's what grandparents are for" |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | While he's looking like he just got back from planet bounce |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Maybe he's only had a few sweets |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Fuck off David. He will need a sling for his jaw when he gets home |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Jamie, I'm sure he's fine |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | We'll see whether you're saying that when Golem returns |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Shouting mine |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | At every single |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Bastard item in the house |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Jacob will do the usual and kick and scream |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Because he's spent the day |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | At willy Wonkas chocolate factory |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | One day I'm going to send him to hers floating on sugar |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | See how the feeder likes that |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | She hasn't spent 2 hours chasing him and his jaw round the house |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Or cleaning one of shits |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | That looks like |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | A shit grenade has exploded in his nappy |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Let's hope that all the shop owners get my text |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Before Jacobs sesh get out of hand |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | And I spend the afternoon |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Using bread as ear plugs |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry marg. I'm sure he's had his 5 a day |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Maybe I should just give in |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Let augustus loose in the factory |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Diabetes is rife |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Maybe I should embrace it |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | He'd be like a sharpei in now time |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Getting a sweat on walking up the stairs |
