| 00:00 - 00:03 | As you know, there is a shortage of rosemary sea salt bagels. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | However, our scouts have tracked down what remains. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | There is Einstein Brothers. There is Goldberg's. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | But I know your feelings about Buckhead. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | So I respectfully suggest BB's in Alpharetta. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | These are all respectable bagels... |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | ....but I'll just go to Kavarna. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My bagel-loving master |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Kavarna is... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Kavarna is over-run with children. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They are screaming. Constantly. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Listen up: All parentsLeave. Now. Just go. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Oakhurst is a sinkhole of breeders! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | When we talk about gentrification, THIS is what it looks like! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Kavarna is not a friggin McDonald's! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | That's why McDonald's exists! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | How can I enjoy my bagel? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | How can I, with these oblivious self-centered twits? |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I am conducting business. Collecting my thoughts! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | And these little bastards are screaming! With glee! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But Kavarna is a gathering spot, where we come together. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Yes, come together! But in silence! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My bagel-loving master, these parents are savoring precious moments. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | What if they make me spill my coffee? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | What about the bagel?? |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | These people, they put up Ossoff signs in their yards. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | And they don't even live in the Georgia Sixth! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | What's happened to Oakhurst? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I'd stay home, but I need that bagel. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I swear, I'm ready to have New York water sent to me so I can boil my own! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | What happened to basic respect? |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I just want quiet so I can hear the industrial clanging music through the speakers. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I'm too old for this shit. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Before you have kids, look at me! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Listen to me! Don't be like them. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | They have no empathy. No imagination. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | They can imagine no other perspective but their own. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I want simple quiet so I can meet with my contractor who's putting in my screened porch. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | But we must keep ducking our heads... |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | ...or risk getting struck by these spinning imps! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Simple consideration! A bridge too far. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry; you can still bring Dylan to toy park. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | My mother never hugged me. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I see these upper middleclass families and it touches me to my core. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Starbucks it is. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I think I still have my rewards card. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | If you want to have kids, then do it. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Have a hundred for all I care. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | You're all twits. |
