| 00:00 - 00:03 | You shall be captain this week Bish |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | I expect nothing less than an uncomplicated win |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | You can get 7 reprobates to the Aveas Bowl, you can do anything |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | With D'Elsom Ravers and Billy Cliff |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | St Matthias shall be putty in your hands |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | And Akshat, Joe and Dev, this will be a glorious victory. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | I will make that fucking Chuck Norris grovel |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer, I... I am afraid |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Akshat cannot play. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | He is washing his hair |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | And Joe is playing Badminton. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | All those that dry bummed Giles on tour leave now. That includes you "sleep walking" Lloyd |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Me me me, why always me? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | .mincing around on a fucking badminton court |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Did I fight two world wars for this? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | And Dev. Grown men spending time with their family instead of cricket |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Broken Britain. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | What the fuck are we even fighting for, we've already lost |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Well fuck them all, I will do it myself |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | You can't rely on anyone Clarke has one week off and... |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But sir you you haven't got any runs since 2012. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I'm not supposed to get runs. I am the fucking leader. |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | I ask of you politely sir, it isn't life and death |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | No its far more fucking important than that |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Cricket is everything you fucking moron |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | How shall we ever beat the wombat worriers with talk like that |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Do you think they sit there with their cork hats saying "it is just a game" |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Take a look in the mirror you fucking idiots |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | What wouldn't I give for a Tim Walker now? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | He was old school. A maverick, but he got results. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Why did he have to flee. Fucking Operation Yew Tree. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | It was thirty years ago for fuck's sake. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Fucking bedwetting socialists. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I should kill them all. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I fucking hate lefties |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Far Right. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | That is the future, not this wishy washy Corbyn nonsense |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | And where the fuck is that Traitor Toby... |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | How will we ever finish the crossword without him. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I will be exposed as a simpleton |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Aiden can't help, he struggles with Sun quick crossword? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't cry Aiden. I can't do cryptics either. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I put my heart on the line and this is how they repay me. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Cricket is broken |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I remember when Cricket meant something. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | The smack of leather on willow meant something |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | The egg sandwiches don't even have shell in them any more |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Some people say it doesn't matter |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Of course it fucking matters |
