| 00:00 - 00:03 | So, today is Year 13's last day |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | They could have chosen Bournville |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Or Solihull |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | But they came to Woodrush - probably because of its excellent reputation |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And its position in the heart of glorious Hollywood |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Excellent |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | I'm sure they've worked hard all year and used their time wisely |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir/Miss... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The students |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The students haven't used ALL of their time well |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They have done some frankly ridiculous things |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone leave apart from Deare, Ellis, Heyes and Hammond |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Are you kidding me? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | These are supposed to be young adults! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | They came here to pursue two years of academic rigour and to explore life's big questions |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | The only question they asked is 'who killed Holly's fish' |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | They weren't even old enough to drink vodka! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | They don't even understand the purpose of SS (Silent Study) |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And on top of that, their dress sense - at times - can only be described as 'scarecrow chic' |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Who would really pay for holes in jeans?! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But they aren't children - they should be able to do what they want... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Not children?! They spend most of their time humping the sofas |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | You're being unreasonable - they're a bright year group |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Some of them don't even know the capital of Germany |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | They're 18! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I've heard more about Lauren's boyfriend |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | than I have about exam technique |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | And don't even get me started on how they speak to teachers |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | They've accused Mr Deare of trying to burn down the school |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | And given Mr James some nicknames that really need to be left at the sleepover |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I wouldn't mind, but they don't use the teachers' expertise at all |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | The Silent Study room is full of people playing 'mobile snooker', and they won't listen to Snelly! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Always saying they're stressed |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | But what about Lucy's heartburn? That could have been serious! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | They should get a grip |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And the conversations they have... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | It's like a cross between 'Sex and the City' and 'First Dates' up in the common room |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | If I hear about who's kissed who in Popworld one more time |
| 02:54 - 02:55 | I'll gouge out my own eyes |
| 02:56 - 02:58 | And their diets: |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Tomato sauce on a footlong Subway DOES NOT count as one of your 5-a-day |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry - Radnor Fizz is a fruit |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | So they'll leave here with no good memories |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | They'll be able to wear what they want, even if it's hideous |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | They should all resit... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Mr Deare - you can teach cookery |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Mr Cook - you can do Hair and Beauty. Jolly - go and buy an advent calendar |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | We can do all new courses for Year 14 |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Get them enrolled... |
