| 00:00 - 00:03 | This is how we will start operation fake surge |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We need the ants focused here |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | And here |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Our data suggests short trips will mass in this area |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | right in the middle of the surge |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Make the surge hit 3x |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | the ants will come |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Kalanick... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | It seems... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The ants have figured out the surge is fake |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They are camping the airport |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | The following people stay: App design, Q&A, Data gathering and region management |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I told you to fu$%ing shut down UP.net! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Those f#$%ers are ruining my plans! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I could have had a monopoly by now! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | All those posts talking about our scams |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Now Lyft went up 7% |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Everytime we try something, they fu%$ it up |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | it's like they can see right through us |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | the same thing happened with Uberpool |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Kalanick, the ants are still taking pool |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | They take them with 1 pax, you dumb ass |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Kalanick, we can keep threatening them |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Threaten them for what? Another f$%&ing lawsuit? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Deceive them! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Next thing you know |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | they will find out how to take our upfront fees |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | and I will never reach IPO |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I have been sued too much to lose money now |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | The investors want their f#$%ing money back |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I shit on the day they opened that website |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Start deactivating those starting the posts and invent any excuse |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | These people don't know who I am |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I am Travis... Cordell Ka-fu$5ing-lanick |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | The f#$%ing king of Rideshare! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Hear me |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I will find out who they are and end their Uber careers |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I have worked so hard to fool everyone to be foiled by a few clowns |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | I want the shills to troll harder |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I want them to spam and troll until they quit |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Use bots on their website! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry Karen, you can still post |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Now with the Seattle Union lawsuit |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | And the New York in-app-tipping order |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Things might crumble |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Our only option is to comply |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | With that new Rydengo app on the works it looks like we are fuxed |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | No one will take an Uber again |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | There goes my IPO |
