| 00:00 - 00:03 | We've just received news of Nintendo's announcements |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Hold on a second, my phone signal is shit |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Something about a tree house, or something. I don't know what that means. Maybe it's here somewhere?? |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | What sort of shit is this? Just show me the games for fuck sake |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Well hold on, the news is coming |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Here it is. The stupid tree house thing. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | I don't really get it. Is it shaped like this or something? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir, we've just received confirmation |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | There will be no Metroid Prime for the Wii U |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | We're sorry sir, we know how much you wanted to play this. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | We warned them. We told them to cop on to themselves and stop making shitty kid's games. They didn't listen. They never listen. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | How can this be? A DS version, was there a DS version? |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | For fuck sake!!! Are you kidding me? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Another fucking DS game? How many are there now? a hundred? A million? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Jesus Christ how hard is it to make one fucking game for that shitty machine. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | I bought it when it first came out, thinking it would be great. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I was told it was going to be a gaming machine. For gamers. Like me. I was promised Metroid! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | And what do I get? Fucking nothing! A piece of shit is what it is. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Fuck them. Fuck everybody. I'm buying an Playstation. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | At least they have Uncharted 4 and Fallout 4 coming out. They delivered. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But sir, Nintendo have announced their new system. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Fuck their new system! What about the current system? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | It's been out since 2012 and their are no good games. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | It's a piece of shit. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Don't fucking tell me what I already know. |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I'm sitting there at the machine with my head in my hands. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Crying because I've nothing to play. I even started staring at the microwave. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | It's got better graphics for God's sake |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Look at this bitch coming in. What's she going to tell me now? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | That there's no Zelda showing either? Don't tell me that. Just don't say it. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | They announced Zelda at e3 2014! How can it still not be ready. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | How is this possible? How long does it take? |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Call Sega. Tell them to get ready. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | We'll try to get a decent Sonic game made for the playstation or something. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I'm sick of just staring at the microwave all day. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | But Sir, Sega don't have anything. They're shit too. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | They can't be any worse than those wankers in Japan. Those tiny fucking wastes of space. Haven't done anything right since Pearl Harbour |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | The Super Nintendo was good, Sir. It's still considered to be the best console ever made. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Fuck the Super Nintendo. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | That was over 20 years ago. 20 fucking years ago! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I'm a different person now. I'm not a child anymore. I'm an adult and I want adult games. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't cry. He doesn't mean that. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | So what now? Where do we go from here? |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | All is lost. Nintendo are finished. Nobody gives a shit about them anymore. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | We won't be seeing any Metroid Prime now. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Just a microwave to look at forever. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Nintendo. The love of my life. My childhood friend. My soulmate. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Reduced to nothing right in front of our eyes. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | It's over. |
