| 00:00 - 00:03 | We have prepared your itinerary for your trip to Rome. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | First, we will visit the Roman Forum |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | And then walk this way to the Colosseum |
| 00:08 - 00:11 | where we will watch Trump and Putin battle to the death. |
| 00:11 - 00:15 | And then go check in at the hotel, which will provide your adult diapers |
| 00:17 - 00:20 | And the next day I'll meet with Virgil to discuss |
| 00:20 - 00:21 | my book. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Führer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | I'm sorry, |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | I'm sorry, but we just recieved word that Virgil is dead |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | He died of fever this morning. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | If you haven't read the Aeneid, leave...the room...now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | How could this happen? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Virgil was going to write my book! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Virgil wrote The Aeneid for the emperor Augustus Caesar |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | I want a book too. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | All the great leaders get stories |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | about heroes like Aeneas |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | who journey over the seas to found great empires |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | with the guidance of the mighty gods |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | My Führer you cannot forget the goddesses, they will call you a sexist pig |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I am not a sexist pig! I love women! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My Führer, then why can't you get a text back? |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | If Virgil wrote a book about me, it wouldn't be so hard! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Dido kills herself over Aeneas! |
| 01:56 - 02:00 | Virgil made Aeneas into the most selfless and brave hero of history |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | and not even Odysseus could rival that! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I don't care that the story copied The Iliad and The Odyssey! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Nothing compares to the great tale of Aeneas and his Trojans! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | He accepted his destiny to found Rome |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | no matter how hard the goddess Juno tried to stop him. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I sing of arms and the man |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | That was the first line of the Aeneid, the book I cherish most. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | It fills me with joy and pleasure |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Kill me |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Since age 9, all I have wanted is for Virgil to write a book about me |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | What have I done to deserve this, I am so compassionate. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | I killed a squirrel once when I was 12 |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | But that fricken squirrel triggered me! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Has the karma finally caught up to me? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, he'll get over it. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I guess I'll never have the book. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | The rest of the world will never know the true glory of my empire. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Cancel the trip. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I don't want to go. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | It's not worth my time, even if adult diapers will be provided. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Let's visit Greece instead. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Maybe Homer will help. |
