00:00 - 00:03 | This is the plan for the rest of your opera season. |
00:04 - 00:05 | First, the Mephisto at Zossen. |
00:05 - 00:07 | Then, Kaspar at Stahnsdorf. |
00:08 - 00:12 | After that, it's the Four Villains in "Hoffman" at Frohnau and Pankow. |
00:12 - 00:15 | And, to top it off, the Don at Lichtenberg, Mahlsdorf and Karlshorst. |
00:17 - 00:19 | The entire nation... |
00:19 - 00:21 | ...must hear my glorious bass. |
00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Führer... |
00:27 - 00:28 | ...the critics... |
00:31 - 00:33 | The critics called you a bass-baritone... |
00:34 - 00:36 | ...with baritonal tendencies. |
00:53 - 00:58 | The following will stay here: my teacher, my agent and my accompanists. |
01:13 - 01:15 | I have a G1! |
01:15 - 01:17 | A full voice, zero fry, G1! |
01:18 - 01:23 | And they know I always cover above Eb4! |
01:25 - 01:28 | How did it come to this? |
01:29 - 01:31 | I debuted as a low bass! |
01:31 - 01:34 | And now my voice is even lower! |
01:34 - 01:37 | But if a bass happens to have a good top |
01:37 - 01:40 | those retarded, moronic scribblers... |
01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Führer, maybe the press has a point... |
01:42 - 01:46 | What do you know about it?! you're a tenor! |
01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Führer, your G4 sounds unreal! |
01:48 - 01:52 | It's called having a technique, you dumb idiot! |
01:53 - 01:54 | They're bass-haters! |
01:56 - 01:57 | I know I'm a bass, because, |
01:57 - 02:00 | in the opera world, powerful rulers |
02:00 - 02:03 | always have impressive bass voices! |
02:04 - 02:08 | Okay, maybe not in "Clemenza", "Ernani" or "La Favorita", |
02:08 - 02:13 | but those are crap operas that people just pretend to like, anyway! |
02:14 - 02:16 | Why was I born in the wrong country?! |
02:17 - 02:21 | No one would spout such filth if I was Russian, like Stalin! |
02:27 - 02:29 | I never went to the academy... |
02:30 - 02:34 | ...and yet I have built this voice all by myself! |
02:34 - 02:36 | All of Europe admired it! |
02:41 - 02:42 | Damn scribblers... |
02:43 - 02:47 | That Abdrazakov guy has never sung a low bass role in his life! |
02:48 - 02:53 | But he's Russian, so he can get away with anything! |
02:54 - 02:56 | He could sing the goddamn Duke |
02:56 - 02:59 | and they'd still call him a goddamn bass! |
03:00 - 03:02 | A goddamn profondo with a B4! |
03:04 - 03:07 | Don't cry, he'll get over it. |
03:14 - 03:16 | I guess I knew it all along. |
03:19 - 03:23 | Deep down, I knew the Don felt a little too easy. |
03:25 - 03:26 | So, that's it. |
03:31 - 03:33 | I'm only... a half-man. |
03:40 - 03:46 | And to think I was due to sing my first Boris next season, |
03:46 - 03:49 | but now they'll say my voice is "too light". |
03:53 - 03:56 | Find me some new rep. |