| 00:01 - 00:07 | Greetings, fellow pyromaniacs! Today, Valve has praised our masterrace! |
| 00:08 - 00:13 | They added a 900% buff to the Phlog, making it 1 hit-kill aganist everything else! |
| 00:14 - 00:18 | Also, instead of random drops. You'll get Phlog every single time! |
| 00:19 - 00:20 | Also hats with Phlog! |
| 00:21 - 00:23 | Thanks to the work of Pyro-Jong-Nom! |
| 00:24 - 00:30 | As always, we have to incinerate those smelly hon-honic baguettes |
| 00:31 - 00:35 | for the glory of our nation and our OP nukes! |
| 00:36 - 00:38 | May our glorious leader praise Valve! |
| 00:39 - 00:42 | And remember, no phlog pyro = reeducated on a gulag like a F2P |
| 00:43 - 00:46 | Every single men and women must have a Phlog! |
| 00:46 - 00:49 | Well, this has been |
| 00:49 - 00:52 | Pyro News Network from our democratic republic! |
