| 00:01 - 00:07 | In today's news, it is with immense pride that I can announce to you an amazing story of superhuman strength. |
| 00:08 - 00:13 | Our beloved, most esteemed leader Kim Jong-un has today jogged to the top of Mount Everest |
| 00:14 - 00:18 | It took him just 27 minutes to get to the top, including a 10 minute fag break. |
| 00:19 - 00:20 | He did it with no guides and no oxygen. |
| 00:21 - 00:23 | He has claimed the mountain in the name of our people. |
| 00:24 - 00:30 | He then went straight to the golf course and played 18 holes with a score of 17. |
| 00:31 - 00:35 | And in other sports news, our leaders favourite team Charlton have beaten Millwall |
| 00:36 - 00:38 | Hang on a minute, that can't be right can it? |
| 00:39 - 00:42 | The trainspotters never beat the mighty Wall |
| 00:43 - 00:46 | Do they take us for fucking mugs? |
| 00:46 - 00:49 | At least make an effort to make it a little bit fucking believable! |
| 00:49 - 00:52 | Fuck it, you might as well shoot me now! |
